Last time I checked, I pretty much checked off every box on the checklist of crazy stuff that Geminis do. Then, I here some BS about the horoscopes getting all switched around. Yesterday, I was a bad ass Gemini with a cool twin symbol thing. And now I’m some weak bull Taurus. I think not.
I am here with a scientific analysis on the situation…Just call me Dr. Mom and Dem. Or don’t because that is a sucky name for a doctor and I wouldn’t trust a doctor with a jacked up fake name like that. Onward…
First, I will demonstrate how I am 10000% Gemini. A Gemini is described as follows on www.ask-oracle.com:
“You are inquisitive and new and unique ideas come to you quite naturally” – This is so true. I have thought of Heelys shoes with ice skating blades instead of wheels. Also, Tabasco-flavored popcorn – even though this is a real product, I’m pretty sure I thought of it first. I also wanted to bring back the triple pony hairstyle and saying “underpants” instead of “underwear” or “panties.” See? Lots of unique ideas!
“You are quite astute and opportunistic and don’t miss a chance to make fast money.” Me again! The only fast money I would not accept would be prostituting. Or eating bugs. But pretty much everything else is fair game. And if opportunistic means I would borrow something of yours, let you forget about it and then keep said item, then yes, I am opportunistic.
“Qualities that hinder your success are messy, happy-go-lucky, cruelty, and incompatible.” Aside from the questionable grammar in that sentence, I am in fact all of those things, especially cruel and happy. At the same time. Probably under the influence of some type of margarita. Also, I am incompatible with many things including: idiots, stupid people, go-getters, douches, Nicolas Cage, thong underpants, people who feel the need to proclaim they “keep it real” and also people who don’t watch reality TV.
Now, let’s laugh in the face of the Universe, and disprove the theory that I am now a Taurus just because the Earth tooted and shifted off its normal axis.
“You have an inherent urge to create and build stuff.” I literally have never physically built anything except for a coffee table from Ikea with step by step instructions. That took place over 5 hours, lots of TV breaks, during which I had to consume a bottle of wine.
“You are consistent with whatever you do or say.” Negatory. I change my mind on the regular and will contradict myself all the time. I will agree with whoever is standing in front of me just so I can feel popular.
“Qualities that hinder your success are possessiveness, stubbornness, lethargy, and self-indulgence.” This actually sounds a lot like me so maybe I could get used to this Taurus thing…
How do you feel about your new Zodiac sign, people?!?